'cause i'm the miggity miggity mack daddy...'

so you know how i said i hadnt worried yet? well suddenly today i started worrying...about everything. like my whole life.
actually steph thinks it started from just one thing. its probably true. i have to take care of a doctor tomorrow. its normally not a big deal. i dont know what the problem is this time. i actually think this particular doctor is a douchebag. his personality just makes me nervous. i'm just afraid he'll be very difficult to take care of. and so i'm stressed out about it.
and once i started to think about that. i thought about how i feel more and more pressure at work to take on more responsibility. i feel i already have enough responsibility trying to take care of people. i've been named to a committee...which i know isnt a big deal, but i've never been on one before. and i was put on it because the fucking CNO of the hospital asked for me apparently.
and census is low. so i get canceled...like at least once a week. so twice a paycheck. so less money. do i look for another job? do i look for day surgery in another hospital or do i do something else? maybe home health? but is this the right time with the baby coming soon?
actually what i did is got a part time home health job. i'm gonna see a couple patients a week. that will hopefully make up some of my missing hours. if i decide i like it a lot, i might decide to do it full time. i make $37 a visit. so i did the math and figured out that i would have to take 18 patients per week to make what i make right now. and i could see 6 patients a day for 3 days. i would work monday tuesday wednesday and be off thursday friday. it seems sweet. but i dont ever feel ok until i do it. i'm actually going on an orientation visit on friday. so we'll see.
so steph's doctor said that she is measuring six weeks ahead of schedule. whoa. soon. what does all that stuff mean? i mean i know i'm a nurse. but i dont know anything about that stuff. we wont know much until tuesday when we do the ultrasound again. so i shouldnt worry. and i didnt until now.
and how long should i take off work with steph? i only have two weeks saved. should i take short term disability? a little much?
well at least luke doesnt have anything wrong.
but i still need a drink.