'cause i'm the miggity miggity mack daddy...'

so you know how i said i hadnt worried yet? well suddenly today i started worrying...about everything. like my whole life.
actually steph thinks it started from just one thing. its probably true. i have to take care of a doctor tomorrow. its normally not a big deal. i dont know what the problem is this time. i actually think this particular doctor is a douchebag. his personality just makes me nervous. i'm just afraid he'll be very difficult to take care of. and so i'm stressed out about it.
and once i started to think about that. i thought about how i feel more and more pressure at work to take on more responsibility. i feel i already have enough responsibility trying to take care of people. i've been named to a committee...which i know isnt a big deal, but i've never been on one before. and i was put on it because the fucking CNO of the hospital asked for me apparently.
and census is low. so i get canceled...like at least once a week. so twice a paycheck. so less money. do i look for another job? do i look for day surgery in another hospital or do i do something else? maybe home health? but is this the right time with the baby coming soon?
actually what i did is got a part time home health job. i'm gonna see a couple patients a week. that will hopefully make up some of my missing hours. if i decide i like it a lot, i might decide to do it full time. i make $37 a visit. so i did the math and figured out that i would have to take 18 patients per week to make what i make right now. and i could see 6 patients a day for 3 days. i would work monday tuesday wednesday and be off thursday friday. it seems sweet. but i dont ever feel ok until i do it. i'm actually going on an orientation visit on friday. so we'll see.
so steph's doctor said that she is measuring six weeks ahead of schedule. whoa. soon. what does all that stuff mean? i mean i know i'm a nurse. but i dont know anything about that stuff. we wont know much until tuesday when we do the ultrasound again. so i shouldnt worry. and i didnt until now.
and how long should i take off work with steph? i only have two weeks saved. should i take short term disability? a little much?
well at least luke doesnt have anything wrong.
but i still need a drink.

ok. stuff that has happened since my last entries.
1. alex rodriguez is a fucking liar.
2. david beckham might come back to mls after all. but he might not. whatever.
3. the dallas stars suck again. dammit.

as far as steph's pregnancy goes...well, she's over it. that and we're pretty close to getting all the stuff we need. the shower has come and gone. i went to the stars game. and yeah they lost. but yeah. we got hooked up phat. we got all of the big ticket items on our registry. and then the next week, steph's band kids gave us all kinds of diapers. seriously. we dont have enough room to hold them all. and we really appreciate everything. we're very blessed.
i also painted luke's room when steph was at tmea. that was a pain in the ass...mostly because i've never painted anything before. anyway, its done. i kinda wish i didnt do it because now, i'll always look at the places i didnt do a good job. i'm sure i'll eventually get over it.
and...we bought a new tv for the living room. i've been waiting ever since i graduated to buy a new badass tv. my goal was to save my money for one. when i finally have enough to buy it, i bought steph's engagement ring. dont take it wrong. i'd do it the same way again. but this tv has been a long time coming. we figured we should buy it now because once luke comes, we wont be able to spend stupid money like we can right now.
i really feel like i should be more stressed out about becoming a father in a few weeks. but i'm not. and i suck at babies. for as long as i can remember i've been afraid that i would break one. i guess i felt that way because it wasnt mine. this one is ours. i dont really know why, but i feel this sense of calm. i hope it stays that way.
from what i see out of steph, pregnancy sucks balls. serial.
she says i have the hard job in taking care of her. fuck that. thats easy. if men had to carry the baby, we'd all be like 'ok, no more people.' so i'm glad she does it. i'm much more suited in taking care of her instead.
ok. i guess thats all i have for now. i still suck at blogs. later.